Apple TV

I recently canceled my Netflix subscription. I had stopped using it. Oh sure, I’d browse the selections now and then, but I hadn’t been a regular viewer since Orange Is the New Black was still in production. And I didn’t even finish watching that one. I thought the season where the prisoners took over the prison was dumb.

Wait, I just remembered that I also watched both seasons of Love Is Blind, but that show doesn’t exactly build an airtight case for keeping Netflix on auto-renew ad infinitum, now does it?

With Netflix gone, that leaves a whopping seven different streaming services for which my husband or I have subscriptions: Apple TV+, the Criterion Channel, Disney+, HBO Max, Hulu, Peacock, and Prime Video.

If you think that sounds like too many, I agree with you. But in our defense, my spouse gets Disney+ for free through his job for some reason, and we only have Prime Video because it’s included with our Amazon Prime membership, which we got for the speedy shipping of our vitamins and cleaning supplies and lube and such.

I frequently rely on Criterion for the Weekend Wind-Down Movie I watch every Sunday night, so that streamer has to stay. Likewise for HBO Max, because it provides access to the best prestige programming, and Peacock, because it provides access to the Real Housewives. I couldn’t tell you why we have Apple TV+.

The streaming service I use the most at the moment is Hulu. I’m progressing my way through all of The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

I work from home, so I watch an episode during my lunch break. I call this ritual my Midday Mary.

I started on the series because I craved something cheerful after finishing The Sopranos, which took a dim view of human nature that depressed me. The only thing that depresses me about MTM is the way the writers really harp on the notion that my favorite character, Rhoda Morgenstern, is fat and hideous even though 1.) she is neither and 2.) who cares if she were? She’s funny and fun and I’d rather hang out with her any day over Mary, who’s so perfect that sometimes I sympathize with the old lady who can be seen scowling in the background when Mary throws her hat into the air during the opening credits.

Mary’s all, “I am gonna make it after all!” And the old lady, who’s clutching a handbag in her gloved hands and wearing a kerchief over the hair she clearly just got permed and set, is like, “What’s this imbecile trying to pull?”

For these various streaming needs, we rely on an Apple TV media player that’s hooked up to our television set. I think it’s confusing that the name of the device, Apple TV, is almost identical to the name of Apple’s streaming service, Apple TV+. Seems like they should have named the latter iTube or something.

Recently, our friend Mario futzed with many of the settings on our Apple TV while he was staying with us for a weekend visit. We did not ask him to do this and, to be honest with you, I consider his actions a shocking violation that has me reevaluating the whole friendship.

I mean, would you ever? I would never.

This is the same Mario from whom I pilfered the dick-of-David magnet affixed to our refrigerator, so maybe he was getting revenge. Or maybe he and I need to work on our boundaries. All I know is, the background on our homepage is now a different color and I’m furious.

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