Turdcules Turdally Awesome Toilet Elixir

Welcome to this blog’s 100th post. In the 99 preceding entries, I have given the show-and-tell treatment to 97 of my belongings. It would have been 99, but I’ve done The Aeneid three times.

My original, self-imposed quota for this site when I started it in August 2019 was one post per week. Obviously, if I had kept to that schedule I would have hit 100 posts long ago. But when it comes to blog maintenance, I have had trouble “staying regular,” as they used to say in commercials for constipation-relief products. Nowadays I’m lucky if I can pinch off a post every two weeks, and the strain is liable to give me hemorrhoids.

It occurs to me now that an impacted bowel is the perfect metaphor for the writing process.

Perhaps that’s why I was drawn to a potty-related product to mark post no. 100. The item is a toilet-deodorizing spray made by a pun-happy company called Turdcules, which produces several “poo-prietary scents,” including “Shootin’ Craps,” “Farti Gras,” and the one my mother sent to me in a Christmas gift box, “Turdally Awesome.” According to the label, it smells like “Good Vibes & Wicked Waves.” I detect notes of mint and pepper.

Despite my lack of productivity, I’ve managed to cover a broad range of subjects here, if the site’s topic tags are any indication. The objects I live among have prompted musings on such disparate matters as time, marriage, dental hygiene, evangelicals, theater, left-handedness, windsurfing, childhood, Chicago, and boobs.

Who knew all that was inside my apartment?

Of course, there are certain pet themes I tend to return to again and again. As part of the 100th Entry Spectacular I’m subjecting us all to, I’ve come up with a list of 10 primary obsessions and have selected what I consider to be the best Indirect Objects post in each category. The list can serve as a Best Of and Intro To, all at the same time.


(listed from oldest to newest)

I suppose it’s clear that many posts aren’t actually about the thing they’re about. Instead, the idea is to use everyday objects as a writing prompt or springboard to discuss stuff I find more compelling.

If I was going to pick an epigraph for the site, it would be one of these quotes from novels:

But what I mean is, lots of time you don’t know what interests you most till you start talking about something that doesn’t interest you most. I mean you can’t help it sometimes.”

J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

Trust me, this will take time but there is order here, very faint, very human. Meander if you want to get to town.

Michael Ondaatje, In the Skin of a Lion

Anyhow, happy 100th post. Thanks for dropping by. Sorry about the self-congratulation and poo jokes. Come back in a week or so (read: 17 days), and I’ll whip you up something real classy, I promise.

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