A catalog of the stuff in my apartment
When I was a kid, my family used “afghan” to refer to any knitted blanket on a couch. I’m not sure whether that’s the strict definition of the word, but that’s what it meant to us. My paternal grandmother said it with three syllables, affigan (rhymes with the last name of comedian Jim Gaffigan). That […]
I have recently come to the conclusion that turtlenecks suit me. Maybe that’s because I have a thin neck and the fabric supplies an illusion of bulk. Or maybe it’s that, when worn with my glasses and habitually severe expression, a turtleneck seems to complete what should perhaps be my signature look: a visual homage […]
When my husband, Frank, and I were in Vietnam in the spring for our annual Big Trip, the theme of the vacation seemed to be Hats ‘n’ Holes. We kept being led into tunnels and caves and such, and we kept donning various types of headgear, such as pith helmets in the caves (presumably to […]
I have to attend two weddings on back-to-back weekends in October, and I haven’t a thing to wear. Worse, both couples tying the knot are composed of gay men, which means guests are expected to achieve feats of sartorial fabulosity. I don’t think my dumpy old funeral suit will cut it. Course, one of the […]
I brought a sweater to a wedding I attended in El Salvador last year. I didn’t plan to wear the thing at the ceremony or reception, of course, but to one of the auxiliary events—a dinner on a beach. I figured the sweater would be appropriate since it’s made of relatively porous material and has […]
I’ve devised a new three-part daily wellness program to stay reasonably active and reasonably fit. I’ve named the three parts as follows: the Morning Louie, the Midday Meander, and the Evening Constitutional. The last two are just walks. I take a 20-minute stroll around lunchtime and a 40-minute amble in the evening, for a daily […]
When Nordstrom killed off Trunk Club last year, they sent me a gift basket to thank me for being a loyal customer and, presumably, to nudge me toward shifting my business to whatever personal-shopping service the company had devised as a replacement. I had been a member of Trunk Club since 2015, which meant that […]
Somehow I have come to a point in my life where I own no comfortable underpants. Every time I reach for a fresh pair—i.e., every morning—I think, Ugh, you again. I suspect this accounts for my negative outlook and frequent bouts of irritability. I wear boxer briefs, which is typical of me. I never could […]
My husband, Frank, and I recently took a guided bike tour of Boston. Somebody gave us a gift certificate for the experience when we were leaving New York. The second I mounted my ride, I told the wiry woman leading the tour that the seat felt too high, but she thought it looked fine and […]
The clothes hangers in my apartment are like the Duggars of TLC: There’s a lot of them and they don’t really work. (Seriously: Do any of those people have jobs? Like, I get that their actual occupation is being on that horrible show, but do the parents or any of their multitudes of grown-ass offspring […]
Indirect Objects 