A catalog of the stuff in my apartment
The other day, my husband, Frank, showed me a crack in the enamel on our hideous chartreuse decorative vase. He said it looked as though someone had chipped the item and then made a clumsy attempt to repair the damage using superglue. The implication was that the sneaky someone who had carried out this inept […]
If the set dresser for the movie of my life had the gall to decorate the coffee table belonging to my celluloid self with the actual books actually sitting on my actual coffee table, I think I’d accuse the production’s art department of homophobia. The books are: A little on the nose, don’t you think? […]
When I was a kid, my family referred to the TV remote as “the controls.” As in, Hey, pass me the controls! I wanna watch Family Matters ‘cause it’s 1991 and I gotta learn how to do the Urkel. I’ve never heard anybody else refer to a remote as “the controls.” Course, I’ve never seen […]
When I lived in Chicago I had a friend who wouldn’t let me complain about cold weather. If you’re gonna move to a city famous for harsh winters, he reasoned, you can’t be outraged by, well, harsh winters. Fair enough, but does that mean I, as a Southerner, am supposed to maintain equanimity in extreme […]
One of the pieces of furniture I have owned the longest is a skinny stack of wooden drawers that looks like it could have come from a library’s card catalog section. I use the cabinet to store my CDs, almost all of which I acquired during the 1990s. Basically, the whole setup is a Russian […]
I recently read Lord of the Flies for the first time. I know, I know: You read it in ninth grade. Well, excuse me, but I attended an evangelical Christian school. We’re lucky I know my multiplication tables. I found the novel distressing, though I suppose I do agree with author William Golding’s pessimistic assessment […]
Are there any fitness or wellness apps with workout videos featuring trainers who aren’t relentlessly encouraging? The trainers on the app I use, Apple Fitness+, act like I’m a national hero on the order of Harvey Milk just for doing burpees. I find such positivity inauthentic and off-putting. Just once I’d like for a fitness […]
Every day after I finish up work (I work from home), I carry out what I call the Five o’Clock Tidy Up. This involves going from room to room in my apartment and, as you might have guessed, tidying things up. There are housekeeping tasks that have to be undertaken on a daily basis—kitchen counters […]
¡Hola! ¿Qué tal? Este es mi libro de español. Estoy aprendiendo español en el Centro de Educación de Adultos de Cambridge. Quiero aprender español porque mi esposo es puertorriqueño, y cuando él está enojado conmigo, yo quiero comprender lo que está diciendo. (“Por favor, profesora, ¿qué significa ‘pendejo sucio’?”) Me gusta mucho mi clase de […]
Anybody know what this thing is supposed to be? My husband, Frank, and I got it shortly after moving to the Boston area. Having installed our new dining table, we figured we should adorn the surface with a vase or bowl or something. So we went to HomeGoods and came back with this . . […]
Indirect Objects 