A catalog of the stuff in my apartment
I’m currently on my second passport. I got my first one in 2004 in order to travel to Italy with my family. I still remember the photo inside because I looked wild-eyed and slightly deranged—sort of like Jack Nicholson in The Shining when he uses an ax to chop his way through that bathroom door and […]
While I was in college, I wrote a very meta, very pretentious, very bad play called That Day This Day. It’s about Adam, a gay man from the South (ahem) whose coming-out to his family didn’t go well (ahem, ahem), so now he’s restaging the episode with a cast of his own choosing in order to […]
With only a few exceptions, the toys belonging to my dog, Lucy, are made of cloth with squeakers inside. She had some plastic toys in her youth, but she would gnaw on them until she broke them up into little pieces. I was worried she’d swallow one of those bits and choke. So now her […]
A calendar is a hopeful purchase, what with all the empty spaces full of possibilities and the tacit assumption that the buyer will survive through December. I usually select a wall calendar among whatever’s on the clearance rack in January. I would prefer for the monthly images to be dog-related, but in the past I’ve […]
This presidential campaign season is the sixth one I’ve lived through since reaching voting age. So far, I have chosen the winning candidate only twice—Barack Obama in 2008 and again in 2012. My selections in 2000 and 2016 (Al Gore and Hillary Clinton, respectively) won the most votes, but for some reason that doesn’t ensure […]
During the pandemic, I’ve traded half-hearted gym sessions for half-hearted runs. Every other morning, unless I can think of a good excuse, I go for a jog starting from my apartment building on W. 125th St., then either following the Hudson River north toward the George Washington Bridge (don’t worry—I never get that far) or […]
Back in the pre-pandemic era, I spent my weekday mornings at one of two coffee shops: 1.) Plowshares Coffee Roasters on Amsterdam Ave. between 125th and 126th streets or 2.) Dear Mama on the ground floor of Columbia University’s Jerome L. Greene Science Center at Broadway and 129th St. I have been working remotely—that is, […]
Toward the end of a beach vacation my family took when I was a kid, my parents let me pick out a souvenir at one of those overstuffed shops designed to help travelers remember the locations they visit by stocking up on shot glasses and refrigerator magnets made in China. I chose a set of […]
Socks are the underwear of the feet, but without any of the sexy associations that come with being worn so close to your naughty bits. Not all underpants are alluring, of course, but along with granny panties and blousy boxers the category also encompasses G-strings and jockstraps. As for socks? I suppose some people might […]
The foot of my bed is decorated with the Linström throw quilt from Louise Gray, a Minneapolis-based maker of contemporary blankets, bedding, and other accoutrements of coziness. The company’s website describes the Linström as an “interesting fusion of colors and forms” that “makes for a playful addition to any space.” I think it looks like […]
Indirect Objects 