A catalog of the stuff in my apartment
I heard once that in order to calculate how much water you should be drinking each day, you take your weight in pounds, then divide the number in half, replace the word “pounds” with “ounces,” and there you are. So, for example, since my weight is about 160 pounds, my daily water intake should be […]
The reasons I’ve heard for why parents in the olden days didn’t want their kids to be left-handed are remarkably similar to the reasons certain parents don’t want their kids to be gay. In both cases, the argument has to do with the benefits of conforming with the majority and/or avoiding wickedness. Since most people […]
I’ve never met a dental hygienist who didn’t have the skeptical yet sorrowful air of someone accustomed to being lied to all the time. The wives of mid-scandal politicians have a similar demeanor. It’s a look that says, I’m obliged to pretend that I believe you, but we both know that you don’t floss every […]
If you go by the numbers alone, I am a Chicagoan, Arkansas born. I left my home state about a month after my 18th birthday and moved to the Chicago area—Evanston to be exact—to attend Northwestern. After graduation, I stayed in Chicago nearly 15 years, bringing my total Chicago time to 18 years and 9 […]
I come from an era before parents limited screen time. In fact, “screen time” wasn’t even a term anybody used when I was a kid, seeing as how smartphones and the internet weren’t around yet. Television, for its part, was widely regarded as garbage yet voraciously consumed. Much like White Claw Hard Seltzer today. Although […]
Christmastime is the season when I subject my friends and family members to light verse. I usually write a cutesy little poem for the holiday card that my husband and I send out. I have been known to inflict my galloping rhymes on holiday get-togethers as well. The text of this year’s card, which is […]
For a while, my husband and I had a subscription to one of those meal-kit services that send you at regular intervals a box containing ingredients and a recipe. The ingredients always seemed to be eggplants and the recipes were clearly written by people who are not familiar with the tiny kitchens in New York […]
Last year when I was in Aruba, I went windsurfing of all things. It’s out of character for me to try sports, especially the ones that involve taking off your shirt in public. But I was on a travel-writing assignment, and when that’s the case I’m liable to do a lot of things I normally […]
There’s a scene in the musical Caroline, or Change where the title character, a maid in 1963 Louisiana, is explaining to 8-year-old Noah, the son of her employer, that God made everything—“the whole world, you and me and this wash machine.” “Did God make the dryer?” Noah asks. “No, the devil made the dryer,” Caroline […]
The paradox of seeing world-renowned landmarks, monuments, artworks, and buildings in person is that they tend to look familiar yet strange. Because of all the images you’ve already encountered that depict the famous thing, there’s no mistaking it when you lay eyes on it in three dimensions. But, at the same time, it’s often smaller […]
Indirect Objects 