A catalog of the stuff in my apartment
When it comes to movies, I have always been fine with being told what to think. As a kid, I’d watch squabbling film critics Siskel & Ebert on their syndicated TV series, and I’d be utterly swayed by the simple certitude of their thumb-based pronouncements. In fact, whenever they gave a movie two thumbs up, […]
Back in the pre-pandemic era, I spent my weekday mornings at one of two coffee shops: 1.) Plowshares Coffee Roasters on Amsterdam Ave. between 125th and 126th streets or 2.) Dear Mama on the ground floor of Columbia University’s Jerome L. Greene Science Center at Broadway and 129th St. I have been working remotely—that is, […]
I grew up in a home with four women—my mom and three sisters—and they used up toilet paper like they had a vendetta against trees. In fact, we had a family rule that when one of us went to the store for any reason, that person was supposed to pick up a four-pack of Charmin […]
Toward the end of a beach vacation my family took when I was a kid, my parents let me pick out a souvenir at one of those overstuffed shops designed to help travelers remember the locations they visit by stocking up on shot glasses and refrigerator magnets made in China. I chose a set of […]
I have three sisters—an excessive quantity by contemporary standards, though far from the most egregious display of fecundity I’ve ever seen. That would have to be the Duggars, the conservative Christian fertility cultists–turned–reality TV stars famous for having 19 children and Lord only knows how many denim maxi dresses. As it happens, the family’s compound […]
I majored in theater at Northwestern. At the time, I figured that made sense given my interests, which included Sondheim and homosexuality. Technically, I majored in theatre since that’s how the word is spelled in the name of the university’s department overseeing skits and dance belts. But I prefer theater because here in the United States, theatre feels […]
When I was a kid, my favorite breakfast cereal was Lucky Charms, a blend of sugar-coated oats, marshmallows, and Irish stereotypes. The cereal’s corporate mascot is a leprechaun named Lucky. In 1980s TV commercials, cartoon children were always in pursuit of the small, green-suited figure so that they might capture his “magically delicious” marshmallow charms: […]
Socks are the underwear of the feet, but without any of the sexy associations that come with being worn so close to your naughty bits. Not all underpants are alluring, of course, but along with granny panties and blousy boxers the category also encompasses G-strings and jockstraps. As for socks? I suppose some people might […]
My grandpa would remove his unwanted nose hairs by yanking them out with his fingers. I watched him do it once. We were in a car. He was in the driver’s seat, and my grandma was sitting next to him. I was in the back. We were stopped at a gas station, and while we […]
Ever since the coronavirus pandemic put us all on lockdown starting in the middle of March, I have occupied the oxymoronic position of shut-in travel writer. I’m paid to be an advocate, witness, and resource for exploring the world, yet I can’t leave my home. On an ineffectiveness scale of 0 to Susan Collins, I […]
Indirect Objects 