A catalog of the stuff in my apartment
I have recently come to the conclusion that turtlenecks suit me. Maybe that’s because I have a thin neck and the fabric supplies an illusion of bulk. Or maybe it’s that, when worn with my glasses and habitually severe expression, a turtleneck seems to complete what should perhaps be my signature look: a visual homage […]
The photo on the holiday card sent out this year by my husband, Frank, and me shows the pair of us at the ancient Greek theater in Taormina, Sicily, where we went in September. The image came out more grainy and low-res than we wanted. It looked better in the digital mock-up when we were […]
At this time of year, holiday music is like James Corden in 2019: ubiquitous and terrible. I don’t pretend my own taste in carols is superior to the norm, but I do know what my ears want to hear in December. My personal canon of Christmas albums would have to include the following 10 recordings. […]
When my husband, Frank, and I were in Vietnam in the spring for our annual Big Trip, the theme of the vacation seemed to be Hats ‘n’ Holes. We kept being led into tunnels and caves and such, and we kept donning various types of headgear, such as pith helmets in the caves (presumably to […]
The other day, my husband, Frank, showed me a crack in the enamel on our hideous chartreuse decorative vase. He said it looked as though someone had chipped the item and then made a clumsy attempt to repair the damage using superglue. The implication was that the sneaky someone who had carried out this inept […]
When I was growing up, my family had a World Book encyclopedia set. This print compendium of knowledge was arranged in alphabetical order across 22 volumes bound in red leather. At the time, encyclopedias were a common sight on living room bookshelves and in public libraries. The primary purpose of the books was to give […]
Cooking is like Restoration comedy: not as fun as it sounds, full of tedious business, and very likely to involve a fruity fop swooning onto a fainting couch. In the case of food prep, the fruit liable to feel overwhelmed is me. The task I find especially tiresome is the chopping of vegetables. What a […]
I have to attend two weddings on back-to-back weekends in October, and I haven’t a thing to wear. Worse, both couples tying the knot are composed of gay men, which means guests are expected to achieve feats of sartorial fabulosity. I don’t think my dumpy old funeral suit will cut it. Course, one of the […]
If you ever want to give yourself a flashback to the early weeks of the Covid-19 pandemic (maybe you’re a masochist, how should I know), I recommend washing your hands while singing the “Happy Birthday” song twice through. Remember that? Sometimes the customs of just a few years ago can feel like they belong to […]
Earlier this year I met a reader of this blog who told me my work reminded him of Erma Bombeck. Since I hardly ever write about my experiences as a harried suburban mom, I assume what the reader meant is that he finds me funny. Or maybe witty, which is what you call a funny […]
Indirect Objects 